May 2003
“Do you want to grab a drink, Kevin? I won’t have anybody to workshop with until September.”
“I wish I could, but I have to finish washing my clothes and packing my bags. My flight is leaving around 8 in the morning tomorrow.”
It was my last class of the Spring semester. I was taking two summer classes and Kevin was going home to Maryland.
“I hope you get that job at UMass. You’ll make a great teacher.”
“Thanks, Kev!! Now, if this leg would just behave.”
Not much longer after my move to Dorchester, my right leg started dragging when I walked. One morning, I woke up and tried to go to the bathroom and tripped over my foot. My leg felt numb, I figured I must have slept on it the wrong way. After getting up and dragging it to the bathroom, I started pinching and punching it to bring it back to life. It felt like I was pinching dead skin that refused to wake up. I couldn’t feel my punching and picking at all. I tried to walk back and forth in my apartment after my shower. This feeling was strange and never wanted. I needed this leg to wake up.
I usually took the bus to the grocery store on Saturday mornings, and I needed to get my leg together before noon. I spent an hour jumping, stretching, and trying to run through my apartment. My leg didn’t wake up and resisted my efforts of revival. I tripped over the leg more times to count. This numbness lasted for some months. It lasted so long that it became my norm and I naturally learned how to carry my leg without tripping over it. I figured my weight made it happen and once I lost a few pounds I’d be back to normal.
Every night, I prayed for it to get better. Although it didn’t, I kept going to classes, my assistantship, and my job at Brigham’s Women’s Hospital’s Emergency Room. Everything was fine except the leg. My sleeping was normal as could be for any full-time grad student with two jobs.
I breathed heavily because I was overweight and ordering great Chinese food once a week helped me gain another Freshmen 30 as a second-year graduate student. I drank a bottle of red wine with my friend Melissa every weekend and I doubted if that helped with the weight gain. Even though I worked as an ER secretary I never really considered having a doctor evaluate me.
I thought people only saw doctors when they were in pain. I had numbness for about 5 months and, I continued my life like I was ok but, just needed to lose weight to get my leg back together.
It wasn’t until a Sunday in May that I told my mom about my dragging leg. It didn’t hurt and I didn’t want to worry her. It was bad enough that my weight affected my menstrual cycle, I didn’t want my weight to affect my new life in Boston. Returning to Chicago wasn’t an option. I didn’t know how much I weighed but I was a solid size 22 and I just knew I weighed so much that it had to be affecting my right leg. All my assumptions and expectations.
I was stationed in the Urgent Care unit that day. Working second shifts on Sundays was usually slow and asking the on-call doctor to examine me wouldn’t interrupt any incoming patients from being seen. The doctor did the usual, blood pressure, and checked my heart, pulse, temperature, and lungs. Then he examined my leg with a tuning fork to check my reflexes. He had me walk in a straight line, toe to heel then turn around and do it again. This was difficult because I had to lift my thigh with my right hand to allow my body to walk like that. He did some other things with a tuning fork. When he finished, he suggested I come back on Monday and see a neurologist.
I pretended to listen and agree. I figured my parents’ Chicago Blue Cross & Blue Shield insurance wouldn’t cover a doctor’s visit in Boston. To tell the truth, I didn’t want to miss my new job orientation on the following Monday. (Yes, I got the job with the Upward Bound program at UMass.) This would be my last month employed at Brigham’s & Women’s hospital. I never followed through with the Urgent Care doctor’s suggestion and just hoped for the best. Honestly, besides my allergies, I never got sick with anything major besides a type of strep throat while in high school.
During the orientation, the new staff was bussed from the University of Massachusetts- Boston to Regis College. The Upward Bound Program planned to have its summer classes at Regis’s suburban campus. Like most places in Massachusetts, the Regis campus was full of beautiful foliage. My leg stayed up with the pace of my new co-workers as we toured the small campus, which reminded me of my undergraduate university, Truman State University. As we toured, I only tripped two or three times but, I recovered with only a few people noticing.
I just laughed it off and emphasized how klutzy I’ve always been and showed my childhood scares on my legs to verify my excuse. I wanted my bosses to know this leg wouldn’t affect my work. When I got back home that night I prayed to God and asked Him to let me walk normally again.
And He did, eventually. After working and dragging for about two weeks at the new job I woke up and walked normally again. Just like I woke up with a numb leg, I woke up with a normal leg. My left leg wasn’t heavy anymore!!
“Thank YOU, God!!”
I thanked God over and over again before I began my work activities with the active high school students. Eventually, I forgot about that dragging leg. That uninvited stranger was gone and I was normal again. To be honest, I forgot about those days until I started writing this book. However, it wasn’t until I defied God and I took a job in San Angelo, Texas that he returned with a crippling vengeance that handicapped my entire body and broke me.
The excerpt is taken from, It's All to Come. A memoir about how God healed Crystal Renee from sickness, doubt, and fear to live her life's purpose to become an author.
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