After getting my heart broken the first time, I fell head forward into a slump of tears and pain the summer after we split. Laughing and being happy were alien to me and smiling drained too much energy. I tried to get over it but instead, I foolishly kept hoping a reunion would happen.
Ending my Junior year I hoped to graduate and leave him and everything behind would allow my heart to heal a little faster. It wasn't until that summer of 1995 that I could fully mourn the boyfriend who was my best friend first.
"I wish my high school had air!" Chaka said with disgust.
"Where do you go to school?" I asked.
It was the first day of my summer class at Jones Commercial. Even at age 17, I was college graduation driven. I figured taking enough classes in high school would push me to an early graduation. An early graduation was an early exit ticket out of Chicago. After the break-up, leaving Chicago became a priority over everything. Spending summers in hot or air-conditioned classrooms across the city had to pay off for something good. Reflecting back, I now know meeting Chaka was something good.
"I go to Currie. Where you go?" Chaka asked while her long pink jeweled acrylic nails scratched through layers of dried ProStyle gel to her scalp.
"Whitney Young."
"Oh.., you a smart kid, huh?"
"Yeah, I'm trying to graduate early."
"I get it. I gotta retake Business 101 to graduate!"
She raised her hand, and I leaned forward with my right hand for the high five.
"Me too," chimed in a male voice next to me.
I swiveled my chair towards the voice. Two boys set at the last two computers in the row with Chaka and me.
"You nosey," Chaka said with a true sister girl neck roll.
"You fine," replied the slim bearded boy.
"Boy, please," Chaka whispered as our teacher entered the classroom.
As Ms. Saunders introduced herself, the note-passing began.
'I'm Michael,' Read the one from the bearded boyman.
'Can I see a pen? Chris?' Read the other from the big boy next to me.
I handed my new neighbor a black EraserMate pen. He took it, flashing me with smile. Michael waited for a response from Chaka.
It wasn't until our break that I saw why Chaka kept looking down to her waist.
"Let's go to the bathroom," she said and stood up, revealing the neon purple pager on her left hip.
"I was thinking the same thing," Michael said while standing up with me.
We just laughed at his attempts and went to the bathroom with a couple of the other girls in our class.
As we walked, I said, "Your pager is cute!"
"Thanks. What's your name, again?"
"Crystal."
"I was finna call you Whitney Young!"
We laughed as we entered our stales. By the time we got back to the classroom, Chaka's pager kept buzzing several times.
"You popular," I teased.
Chaka laughed and said. "It's my man, girl. He so irritating. He think just because be bought this," she tossed the paper on her desk, "I'm supposed to call him immediately."
Many of my girlfriends had boyfriends that bought them pagers. I never wanted one and wasn't allowed to buy one, even if I did.
"My boyfriend and I broke up last April."
"Oh no! What happened? He cheated?"
"Girl, naw. He just wanted to be a single and a 'ho."
"I'm single," stuttered Chris, "I mean, you single...too?"
"Why are they all up in our business?" I asked Chaka while rolling my chair away from him.
"They bored."
"I got a way to unbore you, Chaka," Michael said, joining in the conversation.
Chaka looked him straight in the eyes and said, Boy, STOP!!" and rolled over his Nike's before opening Microsoft Works.
After class ended, Chaka asked, "So, why y'all break up? You sure he wasn't cheating?
"Who knows? I don't even know who he is anymore."
"Damn. Forget him, girl!"
A few minutes later, I passed her a note, 'I wrote a story about it. I couldn't rest until I got it all off my chest. I'll bring it tomorrow if you want to read it.'
'Sure!', read her reply written in big purple bubble letters.
I looked at her and whispered, "Just so you know, it's very raw. I stayed up until the sun rose writing it. No edits, at all."
"That don't matter. I bet it's still good. I love reading stories and novels," she whispered back.
"Me too! I wanna be an author when I grow up."
"For real?? Now, I really want to read it."
I couldn't believe I told that girl about my story! Was I crazy? I just met this girl and I was going to share one of the most intimate parts of my life with her.
All night, I tried to make myself forget about what I said. Before bed, I picked up my 70 plus page story of first love and heartbreak. I reread it again, before placing it in my homework folder. The next day, I purposely didn't bring up my story. It wasn't until four days later when my story ended back in our conversation.
It wasn't until I pulled out my homework that was due that Friday that my story revealed itself.
"Our printer was down this morning. Come and sign in. Then drop your homework off and open Lotus 1-2-3 next.
While I returned to my desk, I saw Chaka doing what I was avoiding.
"Crystal! why you ain't remind me! What Won't Kill You Will Make You Stronger..... Damn, girl! It's like that??"
"Yeah, girl. It still hurts."
"I bet!"
"Let me know what you think." As I passed her my pages, I warned Chaka, "This is my second baby, ok? Please don't lose or share this."
We laughed but I was more serious than she knew.
*****
"This is good! I mean really GOOD!!" Chaka said as I opened my bookbag, "When you gonna publish it?"
Chaka was holding my story against her chest. Shielded by her arms, like I was going to take it back too soon.
"I probably won't publish it. It's too personal. But, I do want to retire in my 50s and just write books until I can't anymore."
"Fifty?? Girl, that's old! You need to publish NOW!! Can't you just change the names?"
"Yeah, ok? What publishing house wants a seventeen-year-old?"
"I don't know. But, it's a good story. I wanted more."
"No way!! Really???" I couldn't believe bit. My life was too boring to want more.
"Thank you so much!! My ex and I used to share our journals all the time." I said to Chaka.
"That loser writes, too?"
"Yeah. I didn't just lose my boyfriend, I lost a writing partner and best friend."
"Yeah you did, but screw him!"
"Ha, you're right. Screw him!"
It always surprised me when someone likes my writing. I never really shared it with anyone but, my cousin, Melissa, my ex, and now Chaka.
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